Is forgiveness letting someone else off the hook? Or is it setting yourself free?
Cara Northington’s daughter, Xana Kernodle, was murdered along with three fellow university students in Moscow, Idaho. Northington told killer Bryan Kohberger in court: “Jesus has allowed me to forgive you… This forgiveness has released me from any and all evil you have inflicted.”
During a memorial for her husband, slain conservative activist Charlie Kirk, Erika Kirk said: “It is what Christ did and what Charlie would do.”
Neither woman found forgiveness easy to give, but chose to anyway.
Mrs. Kirk added, “The answer to hate is not hate. The answer we know from the gospel is love and always love. Love for our enemies and love for those who persecute us.”
Yet for many, forgiveness is troubling. They find the pain too raw, and forgiving like letting the offender off the hook. But does it?
Off the Hook?
In the Kohberger case—no. The judge sentenced him to four consecutive life sentences, and news reports say he’s facing harassment from fellow inmates.
The Kirk case remains to play out in court in the months and years ahead.
How about in the eternal courtroom? God extends forgiveness through the death of his Son, Jesus Christ, on a cross to pay for our sins. Yet in humanity’s final judgment, some will enter eternal life and others eternal separation from Him based on accepting forgiveness. No—forgiveness doesn’t let offenders off the hook.
Who Benefits?
Mrs. Northington explained that by forgiving, Kohberger couldn’t “rent space” in her head anymore. Forgiveness freed her to move forward.
In other words, forgiveness is less about the offender and more about the freedom it brings to the forgiver. It lets you off the hook.
My wife likes to illustrate this point during youth training programs. She says unforgiveness is like gripping a double-edged knife by the blade. The harder you hold on, the deeper it cuts.
In my upcoming short story, Behold, All Things Are Become New (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV), Tyler must choose between holding on to bitterness toward his abusive father or forgiving him and finding freedom to be his real self.
Here’s an interesting quote from author and psychologist Lewis Smedes: “When we forgive, we set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was us.”*
Posts, in this series:
- An Introduction: Forgiveness Isn’t For Them—It’s For You
- God Forgives Us—And That Changes Everything
- We’re Commanded to Forgive—But It’s Also for Our Good
- Jesus’s Example: Forgiveness in the Midst of Pain
- The Healing Power of Forgiveness
- Set Yourself Free: Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
Quote from Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve
