At some point, we find ourselves at a crossroads: to forgive or not to forgive. Pain and rejection are part of life in this fallen world. Sooner or later, someone will sin against us.
How should we respond?
Two passages of Scripture clearly place the responsibility on believers to extend forgiveness to one another.
Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
The primary command is to be kind and compassionate. The apostle Paul wrote these words to believers in the Ephesian church. Kindness and compassion are hallmarks of life within the Christian community.
Christian circles are made up of imperfect people. We struggle to let go of old habits, react with thin skin, and hurt one another.
Forgiveness, in this context, is an expression of kindness and compassion at their highest form.
But Paul doesn’t simply issue a cold command; he gives a reason: “just as in Christ God forgave you.”
All of us are sinners. Yet God extended forgiveness to us. Because believers reflect God to those around them, we are to forgive. After all, God paid the ultimate price. He forgave us through the death of His only Son, Jesus Christ. Forgiveness isn’t cheap, but it is possible.
What If We Don’t?
God’s command is framed in stark terms in Matthew 6:14-15.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Those words can feel heavy. Forgive and be forgiven; refuse to forgive and forfeit forgiveness. Most theologians understand these verses to describe a posture of the heart rather than a transaction.
Several chapters later, in Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus illustrates the truth—but we can also see a therapeutic factor from forgiving. He tells a parable about a servant released by a king from an enormous debt who then refuses to forgive a fellow servant with a lesser debt. The king turns the unforgiving servant over to the torturers. Jesus concludes by saying His heavenly Father will do the same to those who do not forgive a brother or sister from the heart.
We may not have literal torture chambers today, but our emotions can create prisons of their own.
Chuck Swindoll wrote in Growing Strong In The Seasons of Life, “If we nurture feelings of bitterness, we are little better than inmates of an internal concentration camp. We lock ourselves in a lonely isolation chamber, walled in by our own refusal to forgive.”
Bitterness seems to promise justice, but delivers bondage.
Forgiveness on the other hand opens a window. It lets in fresh air.
Light enters and illuminates places darkened for far too long.
A Word of Caution
As I’ve mentioned before, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. We can forgive without restoring the relationship to its former closeness. Forgiveness is our obedience to God’s command. Reconciliation requires repentance, from the other party, and trust built over time. That may mean setting healthy boundaries with the other person.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the offense was acceptable or make the consequences disappear.
Forgiveness is a decision. It’s placing justice into God’s hands and releasing our grip on revenge.
Here is the irony, when we release the offender, we are the one set free.
God’s commands never minimize our being, they invite us into His freedom.
Is it easy? No.
Is it instant? Rarely.
Sometimes it starts as a whispered prayer: “Lord, I’m willing to be willing.”
That’s a start.
Application
Here’s a practical step. list several hurts you’ve experienced. Choose one. Write a letter expressing the pain to God. You don’t have to send it to the person. In fact, you can tear it up. Then ask the Lord to help you release the person into His hands.
You may need to repeat the process. Forgiveness is sometimes more of a journey than a single step.
