See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. — Hebrews 12:15
My wife is the gardener in the family, though I sometimes help. We clear a space, dig a hole, enrich the soil, plant the seeds, and water them. What is the reward for our labor? When a tiny shoot pushes through the earth—as long as it’s a flower or vegetable—not a weed. Unfortunately, weeds seem to multiply more easily and crowd out the plants we want to grow.
Bitterness is much like a weed. A seed takes root deep beneath the surface before it appears above the ground. At first it may seem harmless, but it returns stronger unless it’s pulled out by the root.
The same is true of bitterness. Left unchecked, it poisons relationships. It robs us of the desire to seek reconciliation, keeps us divided, and often draws others into our resentment.
That is far less than the abundant life Jesus came to give us (John 10:10).
Steps Toward Forgiveness
Here are a few practical steps toward forgiveness and the freedom it brings:
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- Acknowledge the hurt without minimizing it. Joseph didn’t excuse his brothers’ actions. He told them, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” (Genesis 50:20). Forgiveness begins by honestly naming the wound.
- Remember how much God—and others—have forgiven you. Gratitude for God’s grace softens our hearts toward those who have hurt us.
- Release the offender to God. Justice ultimately belongs to Him, not to us (Romans 12:19).
- Pray for the person. Jesus calls us to pray for those who mistreat us (Matthew 5:44), even when our feelings haven’t yet caught up with our decision to forgive.
- Choose forgiveness again when old wounds resurface. Deep wounds often require repeated acts of forgiveness. Choosing to forgive again doesn’t mean your first decision was insincere. It means healing is often a process.
Forgiveness When You Can’t Face the Person
When it’s wise and safe, extending forgiveness face to face can be a beautiful step toward reconciliation. However, some situations call for healthy boundaries. In those cases, speaking your words aloud to an empty chair that represents the person can be helpful. Or you can write a letter expressing your thoughts and emotions. You may need to write more than one draft—the first to pour out the hurt, the next to express it with honesty and grace rather than retaliation. Whether you send the letter or destroy it, the exercise can help release the emotional burden you’ve been carrying.
Christian psychologist Dr. Everett Worthington has spent decades researching forgiveness. His work suggests that forgiving others can reduce anxiety, improve physical and emotional health, and deepen our relationship with God.
As bitterness loosens its grip, you’ll find yourself moving more freely through life. You can embrace others more openly, and enjoy a deeper fellowship with the God who has forgiven you so completely.
